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What are the biggest put offs in dating profiles?

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8:06 pm
April 29, 2011


Elijah

21

Crystal said:

To say the truth, apart from bad English I don't see big issues with this profile.


To be perfectly honest Crystal she's unrealistic, demanding and doesn't really pique anyone's interest.

 

Put it this way, when your list of demands is longer than your own list of personal qualities, then you obviously need to learn how to both advertise or wares and bargain effectively. I know that's really cynical, but it's quite accurate.

 

The other problem wih that profile is the list of restrictions. They're stupid because you've just greatly shrunk your net for catching fish, especially once you consider that people could click the "One Night Stand", "Freinds With Benefit", "S&M Partner", "Pen Pal", "Friend" and "Marriage partner" box as suitable search criteria of what they're looking for. Te other major problem with so many restrictions, is that it's like a giant neon flashing light that says "I'm not only picky, but I'm controlling as well and probably frigid as a fish packed in ice when you get me in the sack."

 

But the largest problem with that profile is that it just reeks of desperation and determination to hook some guy into marriage. "Mid-30's chinese woman with severely traditional (read: not open-minded) values is looking for suitable co-habitation partner and sperm donor in order to pop a kid out yesterday before all my eggs dry up and fall out" 

 

And even if she's been hurt before or put throught the ringer in past relationships, so what? Most people have, move on and keep trying. Besides, every single peice of advice on the subject says to not bring that up until well after the relationship has been somewhat established. You're not going to attract anyone by saying all men are lying, cheating, dirty, whoring heartbreakers or that all women are manipulative, melodramatic, gold-digging, illogical, bitchs. Positivity is key when attracting someone, not negativity.

 

To put this in terms of cars, her trade-in value is plumetting by the day and unless she's a perfectly preserved model of a favoured car and someone is willing to give her the specialized car she demands, people will pass over her advertisement and look for a newer model with fewer problems. Why buy a 1995 Pontiac at original value when you can get a 2011 Ford Focus or Toyota Prius or whatever for the same price and almost none of the hassle?

 

That's the problem with that profile. I wouldn't spare her enough time to get past reading half of her profile before I closed that tab and checked another.

 

Also, China Shark Mike, I get that stereotype everytime the words "asian girl" and "western man" appear in the same paragraph….. It gets old and tired REALLY quickly. I'm neither old nor fat. As for finances, although realistically speaking, they are necessary, that between the man and woman (or man and man or woman and woman…… mmmmmm woman and woman….. spankwire I'll be there in a few minutes), no one else. Yes, there seem to be a large number of couples that fit the stereotype, but in all actuality, there must be some reason that there's a relationship to begin with. They both must be getting something out of it, so who are we to point fingers and judge?? If the realtionship is no good, they'll split, simple as that….

 

For your information, my wife is absolutely gorgeous, 176cm, 55kg and 22 years old. I'm 174cm, 90kg (small stomach, very small but she really likes it, says I should have a bit there, muscle everywhere else) and 26 years old. We've been together (but not married all the time) for 4 years, 4 months, 29 days and 14 and 1/2 hours. Our relationship is a lot stronger than just "paunchy, not good looking guy" with "hot little asian tail".

 

Cheers.Cool

There's always another way……..

Usually my way.

10:41 pm
April 29, 2011


Bored in Melbourne

22

China Shark Mike said:

Exceptions to the rule again Crystal. For ever 100 pauchy, not good looking guy there might be a few decent looking ones out there that. Notice how many refuse to use real pictures, yeah I know business reasonds you really married or have a secret family or you fit the streopytpes.Cool


I am not sure about the numbers but you are correct there are probably a lot of unattractive or otherwise attached guys cruising around.

 

Personally I fit the anon for professional reasons box.  I was in a high profile international trade relations job for the federal government and want to keep open the option to do that again later in my career, although now I am making better money doing other things and working on my China wine retail and distribution business on the side.  No longer married, but might revisit that when the time is right with the special lady.  Nothing secret about my family I have mentioned my daughter here several times, she's too cute and too much a part of me to hide/ignore.

As far as looks go I am at least average, and athletic physique at 80kg and 185cm, no belly, and more active in my mid 30s than I was a decade ago.

10:52 pm
April 29, 2011


Bored in Melbourne

23

Elijah you have made a pretty reasonable review and observation of the profile, BUT you need to consider the person and environment.  There is every chance that this woman has either struggled to understand the forms on the dating site or had it filled out for her by a 'friend' with better English.  As I suppose you are relatively young and might not have been through a situation of a man from another culture playing confidence tricks and taking advantage of you as she is likely to have encountered using and international dating site you are far from her head space so try to sit in her chair for some understanding.

Actually one of the reasons that I made the post was a little reminder to Gary who posted it that he himself has previously posted a lot of criteria and given an impression of desperation, so we need to be careful how we present ourselves, especially when looking for a partner online, things are so easily interpreted in a different direction, judgements are easy to make

 

For the record I agree with a lot of what you say, but in bridging the gap we always need to go much more than half way with the other party to get some true understanding of their position.  It's great that you are more than happy with your own partner and very proud of her stats.

7:15 pm
April 30, 2011


China Shark Mike

24

Elijah, now don't get your panties in a knot already. Most of the older guys on these dating sites and form do fit into the category. You being 26 already makes you the minority. Take a poll and see how much  say hits home for guys on here. If you were slighted it's something you read into what I said. I've been on these type of forums and blogs  2 and a half years and  I am not making generalizations. Check out Chnlove or Chnlove.info 90% or more fit into that exact description. You live in Hong Kong with the better looking class of people. Shenzhen is the ugly capital of the expatriots. Maybe you should try to thicken up that skin of your's and not give a damn at what others may say as long as it isn't the truth in your mind. Are you the collective cocensus here, thought not. If I flame you directly no problem taking a pot shot from you. I say things for a reason and will  not change my pattern of speech because someone doesn't like. It's an open forum not your personal website. Being 26 you can't possible know much about the world. Most of us on here got at least 15 – 20 yrs on you. Life experience speaks a lot more than words rat tat tatted off your keyboard. Nuff' said, I'm waited with bated breath for you witty retort.Surprised

Follow the Path Less Chosen and You Will Reap the Rewards of Life.

7:44 pm
April 30, 2011


WanderingAmerican

25

A rift is occuring

"Ally" is my girl if you didn't know.

12:05 am
May 1, 2011


Bored in Melbourne

26

WanderingAmerican said:

A rift is occuring

I sense a disturbance in the force.

1:59 am
May 1, 2011


Garylong

27

I thing we are off the topic!

lets see what people have to say about dating profiles, not if its right Nor wrong.

its funny if some one don't agree on some thing as for your age.

I remember a post some time ago about age of girls to marry or date

fact what was said, people in their 20's could be more brighter than some one older.

and i look at it this way age has nothing to do with life experience, we all do it many ways.

I have met some old people in my life that are in 40's and 50's that never had (sex),, could

you say, they know whats right and wrong to how to love some one or look for the right

match on the web? we all learn from the mistakes in life, not what others tell us we are wrong.

 

God Bless you Elijah, i very happy for you, with all My Hear,t you have a Good Life with your Girl don't let her Go

Marry her and don't let any other man have her, do it as soon,  4 years is a long time to know some.

4:48 am
May 1, 2011


Elijah

28

Thanks Gary, I actually married her 11 months ago on Canada Day 2010. But I was saying that we've been together since New Year's Day 2007. We're absolutely a perfect match and God helps anyone who gets between us.

 

Mike…… Whoa….. Take your heart medicine, your blood pressure must be through the roof. You seem to think I'm "rat-tat-tatting" (seriously?) personal grievances against you. Let me save you some time: I'm not. I'm disputing your stereotype about "paunchy not good looking guys". I used myself as an example, because by myself I can break that notion. I wasn't personally slighted except in the grander sense that all Western men with an Asian girl were.

 

We get it…. You've been burned, so now you're a playboy-wannabe desperately insecure about your image. You hide behind your age as though it makes you wiser or more experienced, but the irony is that those with experience say that age doesn't mean a thing. See? Now THIS was a personal comment about you, NOW you can go into a roid-rage.

 

Now, we're pleased to return you to our original programming.

 

What I personally hate about dating profiles is how they'll send you a wink or smiley face or whatever, so you reciprocate, but then they never reply. Personally I think it's just a scam by the dating site to pique your interest and keep you coming back to the site even though it's a total sausage-fest.

 

Another thing I can't stand is when someone will make a profile in the heat of the moment, fill it up with implications…….. And then abandon it all. Reason I hate is because the dating site will never delete it, cause it boost their numbers ESPECIALLY if it's a female profile.

 

Last thing I hate are the sites where they deliberately make it impossible to actually connect with anyone unless you both pay a stupid monthly charge. That just kills it because 90% of people don't pay and it just becomes a graveyard of fake profiles, dead profiles and free profiles…

 

Easier to just meet people in person somewhere, no way to photoshop real-life.

There's always another way……..

Usually my way.

9:07 am
May 1, 2011


China Shark Mike

29

Elijah wrong on accounts yet if it makes you feel better think what you. None of the above anymore just chilling with my girlfriend who'll marry within the next year. Appreciate you input at times yet you trail off into these ridiculous diatribes that are general as vague to say the least. Well what the roid rage thing was I take it as a compliment because it inferrs I appear muscular, it's 100% natural don't anything to juice up already the volatile unpredictable nature.Cool

Follow the Path Less Chosen and You Will Reap the Rewards of Life.

10:50 am
May 1, 2011


Bored in Melbourne

30

Elijah I think that the reason so many people go for the original flirt and then it dies is answered later in your post.  Many pay site allow you to send a smile etc but if you want to actually reply or make contact then you need to pay.  So as we say when it's time to put their money with their mouth is, we see that in many cases the female still expects the man to pay.

 

But it does make your wonder how much is a sites full of fake profiles?  For the people running them it must be tempting to do everything to maximise their income

3:25 pm
May 1, 2011


Elijah

31

Well I know that there was this group in the U.S. who actually sued Match.com for false advertising and the like.

 

I'm too lazy to Google the article, but it's not the first time either. Believe it or not, I paid for a years Gold subscription to Adult Friend Finder. Absolute wast of money let me tell you. The good ones are fake or years old and the ones you meet up with usually end in at least some dissappointment.

 

Personally, I'm more inclined to a personal method of finding new people whether they be friends or friends with benefits. 

 

Theme song: "Barbie Girl" by Aqua

There's always another way……..

Usually my way.

5:12 pm
May 1, 2011


Crystal

32

That's interesting note about "interests" and "winks".

Taking in account that "winks" can be exchanged between two non-paying members (unlike regular messages) – very well may be that they can be used by dating sites to arouse interest and make people pay money.

5:38 pm
May 1, 2011


WanderingAmerican

33

*cough* ChnLove *cough*

"Ally" is my girl if you didn't know.

5:55 pm
May 1, 2011


China Shark Mike

34

Elijah, checked out your apology blog for Gary Long. You are the fat not so good looking guy with the moderately good looking Chinese girl. I got your number whiz kid, all filled with piss and vinegar and haven't really done squat in your life. Oh, wow you completed your at least 4 yr degree and are living abroad, sounds like you are rocket scientist material, wait hold the phone I'll see if NASA has any openings. Incidentally the tarring and feathering to other posters shows your real level of maturity. Sound so disenchanted with Chinese culture why are you living here then? Number one reason no one in their right mind would put up with you. Got the answers for everything and verbially attack people whose second language is English. Bottom line you are the stereotype you so quickly remarked you aren't. Using the closeup real original yet it still shows you your a flabby daddy. Sunglasses why are you trying to hide, are you a pirate and have a glass eye? I've tolerated your innuendues of steroid use, classic misogfucation {spelling}. Rhetoric boy at best, troller at worst. You are young which all the time coincides with running of the mouth disease. My avatar pix from day one was on me so I'm nothing to hide. Pix might be 7 months old. Cool your jets and not try to be such a know it all and give people a break instead of just talking trash about Chinese culture. Seems to me that you don't respect Chinese culture but just in it for the Chinese wife. Say what you want about Shark but tone it down for the others because you sound like the angry young man with a war with the world. Accept and acclimate and maybe you won't sound the proverbial dunce. Yell

Follow the Path Less Chosen and You Will Reap the Rewards of Life.

6:51 pm
May 1, 2011


Crystal

35

Mike, I also strongly disagree with Elijah's opinion about China and the way he "helped" Ally, but it's not a reason to issue such kind of personal attacks.

And his wife has nothing to do with this forum – saying anything bad (or moderately bad) about her is not nice.

Mike, I wish you understand it. 

 

Note to everyone: it would be a pity to tag another thread, as "out of topic flames" Frown

2:04 am
May 2, 2011


Garylong

36

Elijah what is your major in Uni ? eh Major what, how many years did you spend in uni?